A NEW GAME

[Furious D]

I've been doing some drinking, I mean thinking, and I came up with a new game to try here in the 'Off Topic' section that doesn't involve reporting those forum spammer-scammers.

THE PITCH A MOVIE FOR KEVIN POLLACK GAME

Here are the rules:

1. A player leaves a title for a non-existent movie, the more ridiculous the better. Bad puns allowed.

2. The next player has to post a movie pitch from that title. That movie pitch must have:

3. A starring role for Kevin Pollack.

4. Bonus if there's a part for Samm Levine.

5. This movie pitch must have a completely bat-shit crazy story-line, character names, etc... (The more inane/insane detail the better)

The player then leaves a title for the next players to try to make up a movie pitch with.

EXAMPLE:

TITLE: THE LYING SNITCH IN THE WARDROBE.

PITCH: Low level mob informant Shifty Goulash (Kevin Pollack) lies about knowing about a major crime in order to get into the Witness Protection Program run by Federal Marshal Big Tex O'Shaughnessy (Samm Levine) not just to escape his maniacal mob boss Crazy Eddie Bedwetter (Christopher Walken), but also his homicidal trio of ex-wives Wanda(Tyra Banks) Rhonda(Demi Moore) & Gertrude(Paris Hilton) who regularly tweet their revenge fantasies. To escape the mob and the exes he hides in an old wardrobe, that is then locked and accidentally shipped across the country, where sexy wackiness ensues.

Looks simple, so give it a try with this title:

WHEN MEL GIBSON CALLS!

[Furious D]

I've been doing some drinking, I mean thinking, and I came up with a new game to try here in the 'Off Topic' section that doesn't involve reporting those forum spammer-scammers.

THE PITCH A MOVIE FOR KEVIN POLLACK GAME

Here are the rules:

1. A player leaves a title for a non-existent movie, the more ridiculous the better. Bad puns allowed.

2. The next player has to post a movie pitch from that title. That movie pitch must have:

3. A starring role for Kevin Pollack.

4. Bonus if there's a part for Samm Levine.

5. This movie pitch must have a completely bat-shit crazy story-line, character names, etc... (The more inane/insane detail the better)

The player then leaves a title for the next players to try to make up a movie pitch with.

EXAMPLE:

TITLE: THE LYING SNITCH IN THE WARDROBE.

PITCH: Low level mob informant Shifty Goulash (Kevin Pollack) lies about knowing about a major crime in order to get into the Witness Protection Program run by Federal Marshal Big Tex O'Shaughnessy (Samm Levine) not just to escape his maniacal mob boss Crazy Eddie Bedwetter (Christopher Walken), but also his homicidal trio of ex-wives Wanda(Tyra Banks) Rhonda(Demi Moore) & Gertrude(Paris Hilton) who regularly tweet their revenge fantasies. To escape the mob and the exes he hides in an old wardrobe, that is then locked and accidentally shipped across the country, where sexy wackiness ensues.

Looks simple, so give it a try with this title:

WHEN MEL GIBSON CALLS!

Bumping the topic, bumping the topic.... Come up with a pitch for WHEN MEL GIBSON CALLS

[assfacerobot]

I'll take a stab.

WHEN MEL GIBSON CALLS

PITCH: A shit-faced Mel Gibson(Kevin Pollak) feels the need to verbally abuse his latest baby-mama. In his bleary-eyed stupor he makes the mis-dial of his life. He spews a tsunami of racist, misogynist, anti-semitic filth upon hot-shit surgeon Jacob Epstein(Samm Levine), who we discover has recently lost his wife(Morgan Murphy) and young son(does Judd Apatow have a son?) in an auto collision caused by a drunk-driving white supremacist, Jimmy Ray Harshman(Jonathan Winters). Pushed beyond his limits, Jacob plots his revenge. He kidnaps Gibson, Harshman, Harshman's harpy of a wife, Gina Mae(Demi Moore) and cokehead daughter, Heather Lee(Paris Hilton) and a very unlucky door-to-door dildo salesperson with an unfortunate name for an African-American woman, Mel Gibson.(Tyra Banks). The human centipede goes: Mel (him, not her), Heather Lee, Gina Mae, Mel (her), and Jimmy Ray. Nobody ever comes looking for any of them, the trashy centipede thrives and a frustrated Jacob gives up and sells the monstrosity to known pervert Paul Provenza.

Pitch this:

Cookie In His Pocket

[Furious D]

COOKIE IN HIS POCKET

Eccentric scientist HUGO BELASCO (KEVIN POLLAK) loves two to do things in this world, perfecting his shrink ray, and ogling his next door neighbor DELORES "COOKIE" CRUMBEL (DEMI MOORE). Cookie has a secret, she used to be a porn star, but escaped to start a new life working at what she thinks is a day care center for ugly children, but is in fact a chimp sanctuary, she isn't that bright. One day Cookie's sleazy ex-co-star and director HEYWOOD JABLOMY (SAMM LEVINE) shows up and blackmails her over her past.

To get the money to make Heywood go away, Cookie uses Hugo's shrink ray to shrink herself small enough to hide in Hugo's pants pocket, in order to sneak into the building where he works. However, Heywood, and two jealous ex co-stars a BERLIN DOUBLETREE (PARIS HILTON) and MIRA SHANXS (TYRA BANKS) want in on this heist and use the shrink ray to hide in Hugo's pants as well. When MILTON THE RABID CHIMP gets shrunk too, sexy hilarity ensues.
________________________________________

Now see what you can do with....

THE MALTESE BADGER

[assfacerobot]

Nice!

If there's not a Berlin Doubletree working in porn right now, there oughta be.

Also, for Milton...real chimp or Jim Norton?

[assfacerobot]

THE MALTESE BADGER

Likable schlub DJANGO BALSAC (Kevin Pollak) has been at the forefront of the crossbred dog trend for years. A recent flop called the "Great Poon" (which he got by holding a male miniature poodle up to a female Great Dane and letting him go to town) has him reeling. His wife EUNICE SCHWETTY-BALSAC (Allison Janney) convinces him that he'll have to step it up. Out of sheer desperation, he manages to cross Eunice's Maltese with a badger belonging to his brother, AUGIE (Samm Levine), a small-time pimp and internet pornographer specializing in Disney cosplay. One night, the odd-looking creature(Maltese badger, not Augie) breaks out of his cage, sneaks into the bed and gives Eunice the most intense orgasm of her life. After relatively little convincing, Eunice allows Django to bring the critter back to bed so that he can observe and document the act. After some study, Django finds that he can duplicate the creature's technique, much to Eunice's delight. Django writes a best-selling book detailing the technique and Augie makes a nice bit of coin from movies featuring SNOW WHITE (Demi Moore), CINDERELLA (Tyra Banks) and SLEEPING BEAUTY (Paris Hilton) giving each other the Maltese Badger in various combinations and configurations.
After pervy PETA activist DON KEEDIC (Richard Kind) spends a couple of hours with Sleeping Beauty, she spills the beans. Also, she tells him the whole story. Now, it's a game of Don Keedic vs. the Balsacs. Who will come out on top?

Next:
THE PETTING ZOO OF DR. MOREAU

[Furious D]

THE PETTING ZOO OF DR. MOREAU

Hard boiled private eye Studs McGurk (Kevin Pollak) is in a drunken slump since his beloved terrier Snookums disappeared. He gets a chance to revive his career when he is hired to find Miss Kitty, the missing cat of ex-supermodel Half Less (Demi More). The only clue is a piece of a T-shirt from the gift shop of a zoo run by eccentric geneticist Dr. Jean Guy Moreau (Samm Levine).

Studs arrives at the zoo and his snooping around leads him to hear about something called the special "petting zoo" hidden away in the back of the complex, that's for high rollers only. Studs snoops around and discovers that Dr. Moreau is turning animals into sexy, slutty, humanoids, and renting them out to horny freaks with money, mainly studio executives.

Studs finds Miss Kitty (now played by Paris Hilton) and is quickly seduced by the now humanoid feline. This angers Snookums (Tyra Banks), who was also stolen and mutated by Moreau, and is very territorial about the leg she used to regularly hump. A fight between the women breaks out, and while Studs is content to watch the show, it's interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Moreau, and his head goon, a mutated gorilla named Bongo (Dolph Lundgren). Now prisoner with the mutated pets and Half Less, who was kidnapped for no particular reason, they are threatened with being mutated into pets to keep them from exposing his illegal experiments and brothel.

But Bongo has developed a crush on Half Less, and breaks them out. In a blazing battle royal all the humanoid-pets are freed, and Dr. Moreau falls into his own machine, and is turned into a hamster.

The story ends with Studs getting into a new business, running a fetish website for Furries, starring Miss Kitty, Snookums, and their mutant friends, while Half & Bongo start a new life together. Meanwhile, a certain mutant hamster plots revenge from his cage.

Now let's see some more people join this game and do something with this title:

THE MAN FROM B.O.O.G.E.R.